Failed

Japanese class today. We had to present our sketch. We didn't prepare well. In fact, we didn't prepare at all. Everything was haywire from yesterday night to this afternoon. First, it was the number of people in the group. All of a sudden, two girls barged in. Fine. Then they did not even turn up earlier for practice.

The sketch we played in front of the class was a total embarrassment. Not only we didn't remember the dialogue, some of us we too blur to say anything. And those girls... my goodness! They didn't talk when it's their turn. They thought it was someone else's turn. This is the effect of not practicing.

But should I really blame them? I may, I may not. It's teamwork, anyway. Totally screwed up the sketch.

Later at night, I had a light conversation with sensei on Facebook chat. She said she graded my group 14 marks. Earlier, she promised us that she will not give any marks lower than 15. Since my group only got 14, I suppose we were very bad.

C'est la vie! You be kind to others and they screw you back.

A foolish day

Yea, I had free time the whole day today. Was suppose to complete whatever assignments I have, but I ended up spending a few hours taking nap, online and so on.

Just now I had Tamil class. I thought we only had reading test, but ended up we had another quiz, which I didn't prepare at all. I guess I screwed it up. But my lecturer kind of "helped" me. To me, it didn't matter because it's an audit subject and the marks will not affect my grades. Well, as long as I learn my Tamil well.

My room mate lost his voice. Poor thing. Last semester, if he's sick, I'll pray for him before he sleeps. But today, he looked tired. And he slept immediately when he returned home. Never mind. I think I'll pray for him tomorrow. This is the least that I could do.

Sigh...

How shall I describe today? Only 4 hours of lecture. I had lots of free time, yet I didn't spend it wisely. I slept a lot today, probably trying to escape from reality.

Had some cravings recently. I have no idea why I wanted a slice from Secret Recipe so much. I have yet to pay them a visit. Perhaps I need some cream cheese to melt in my mouth. Perhaps it's an antidote for my low spirit. Perhaps, I just need something sweet.

What else can I say? I'm rather tired with life. There're so many possibilities and uncertainties, just on one issue. What's more, I have many other issues as well. And I don't seem to be able to share it out. Guess I've lost faith in people.

I don't dare to say, but I kind of feel that life is meaningless.

...

I'm back to that mode once again. The negative one. Slowly. I can feel it. It's not healthy.

I find myself doing what I should not do, and not doing what I should do. I'm justifying my own sins. My heart is full of ugliness. I hate myself. I hate myself for being like that. I feel stupid.

Hopefully I can overcome this. Real fast.

The manliness

It's Saturday, yea... so it's Fire Brigade day. I finally had the chance of drilling with the water hose. My role was to run from end to end to deliver the message, besides carrying a roll of hose and run.

While running with the hose, it unrolls, which is what it should be. Unfortunately, it wasn't properly rolled, or I was a little clumsy and held the hose in a wrong method. The hose bruised my left knuckle. I didn't realize the blister until after the drill. Regardless of the tire and injuries sustained, I must say that it was a good experience. I felt a little of the manliness of a Fire Brigadier.

I always thought that firemen are much better people compared to the police and army. I lost a little confidence for the latter but still have some respect for the former. They risk their lives saving people in danger. What other job that is noble as this?

Lazy day

Today is a day with lesser stress, but it was rather busy.

I had to present a topic together with two seniors on Inorganic Chemistry. I didn't have to talk much as my seniors had took up too much time. Was it a good thing? I don't know. I wasn't very well prepared. It's not a topic which I'm good at. There were two presentations and written quizzes on the spot. We only had to do the one we were not presenting.

After that, as I missed the earlier lecture, I went to the class of another Inorganic Chemistry group. Oh my... the presentations were so lengthy and I couldn't wait for it to end. It was such a horrible time as I was waiting to go for PERKUPSI. Everything ended at 1pm, as if the Muslim guys didn't have to prepare to go to the mosque.

Nothing much in the afternoon except for lunch with TESL juniors. Strange huh? I'm not even doing TESL.

Had to walk in the rain for dinner. A friend couldn't come to my place, so I had to go to his place instead.

It's a lazy day.

Blur

After staying up late until 5 am in the morning, I was very exhausted. I had only 3 hours of sleep. All I wanted was just to lay in my bed and not getting up. But I had to submit my Tamil assignment, so I forced myself to wash up.

Today, I had only one class to go for, which was at 2 pm. After the class, I went back home to sleep until dinner time. I had a dinner appointment at the other side of the campus, which made felt lazy to even eat. I went, anyway, and at 8, it was a meeting with the English Debate Club.

I think I'm adopting a very unhealthy lifestyle. I slept late, have supper at 3am and long, frequent naps. Don't do what I did.

I'm still very, very tired now.