Stressed but sweet

I'm almost being pushed to the brink. So stressed up with assignments! I wish someone will come and just have a talk with me. But anyway, everything was fine after Japanese class. But I still wished that all classes are cancelled so that I could just take a long nap. A looooong one.

Today's my room mate, Artur's birthday. I had been planning for a surprise celebration for him since Monday. Yesterday, I even walked to town to get those relighting candles. Thank God I found them. Just a prank for the birthday boy. Just now, as planned, I went to Secret Recipe to collect the Black Forest cheese cake and kept it in the fridge. It was a challenge to make sure Artur doesn't come down and see the cake.

A little after 10.30 p.m, friends from nearby houses came. We gave him a good surprise. After enjoying the cake, some of them proceeded for supper, but here I am now, to complete my assignments.

Well, it's worth the effort, as long as Artur is happy.

The screwed-ups!

Tell you what screwed up my life today.

1. Feelings. Emotions. Well, as you know, it's has been quite some time I had this problem. It seems every little thing that doesn't go my way will tick me off thoroughly. I get annoyed very easily. I just love to be in control. It's very irrational and I know it. Something has to be done about this. Or else, I'll either be very unpopular, or this shit will drive me crazy.

2. Migraine. It has been quite a while I have this mild pain on the left side of my head. Besides, there's this little hardened stuff on my face immediately beside my left ear. I suspect that both are linked. Maybe the hard stuff restricts some blood to go to the left brain. Hopefully, it's not stroke, though there is a possibility.

3. Assignments and classes. I was supposed to meet a lecturer with some seniors on our assignment. It's a presentation. However, we all were not prepared well as the lecturer required. Therefore, the meeting wasn't fruitful. Well, at least we know now what to do. Then, I had Tamil class. I totally forgot about the assignment given last week. Everyone submitted except me. Although it's easy and I can pass it up tomorrow, I felt bad.

4. Cravings versus weight and cash. A few weeks ago, miraculously I didn't crave for food as much as the past. Things were great at that time. But soon after I recovered from my recent sinus, my cravings increased rapidly and I just feel like munching all the time, especially when I feel lonely. On the other hand, I'm worried about my weight and wallet. I successfully dropped a few kgs earlier and I was hoping to drop more. And my budget. I want to save up. I don't want to use that much of the scholarship. I NEED TO CURB MY CRAVINGS! Screw my life!

While walking home from Tamil class, I was alone. Under the rain. But it's something worth to be thankful, because I can have some personal time to reflect upon myself.

Oh...

No joke. Today, there were light showers a few times and heavy downpours. I cannot even hang and dry my clothes which I washed yesterday night.

Anyway, it's a public holiday today, and our church had visitation from the university students in Kampar. We had so much fun together. After that, we had lunch. Everything was wonderful until evening. I mean, it wasn't because of the Kampar students. They left after lunch. What I mean is when my room mate is back from his hometown.

I don't know how to explain. It's so weird. When he's back, my heart felt heavy. I was very unhappy. No... I don't hate him. I'm not angry at him. But it's just weird. I felt much happier without him around. As if I'm in control. But then, I'm not competing for name and fame with him. I don't know. But good that I can control my emotions and not letting it out. Just rationalise

and analyse the reason I had those feelings.

Luckily, a TESL friend invited me for dinner. Met some other friends and we sat together. My mood turned better. I guess I'm friend-dependant. It's not good because it shows that I'm insecure. Whatever it is, I hope that I won't give up and give in to the bleak moments in life. It's not as bad as I see.

A new me?

This morning, I went to church with a joyful heart. Could be from yesterday's fellowship. The happiness and the joy of fellowship with the family of the faith.

So what did I do today? Let me recall... Had lunch after church service, cycled to a friend's place, caught in the rain and cycled anyway, soaked, what else... yup.. and cell group. Everything was nice and fine today.

But then, these made me realise that certain things in my life I've not dealt with. Some personality or attitude issues. I wished they were solved long, long ago, but it is still around and haunting me regularly. Mood swings and emotional problems will emerge and I can sense them coming out. I think I'm just insecure. Praying that God will make this a good thing to train me and not a form of testing which if I fail, I will bear the consequences.

Anyway, I'm so full of joy today. I'm not sure whether because it's a holiday tomorrow, or there's no assignments which I have to rush at the moment, or just simply because my room mate is not around. Just feel thankful to God for this day. Anything to deal with, I guess I'll just have faith in God and not to lean on my own understanding.

No rest

It was a very busy day for me. Didn't have the time to lie down and take a nap. It started in the morning when I had to wake up earlier to revise my Chemistry because of the test at 9 a.m. Prior to that, I was already very tired travelling to and fro Kuala Lumpur for the interview. It was a challenge to wake up.

Anyway, I was just in time for the test. After test, I went for the Fire Brigade meeting. We had foot drill and fire hose drill. Obviously, that costed me lots of energy. On top of that, it was very hot and I felt my energy being drained out from my body. Then, I accompanied my course mate to town for lunch and also to shop for groceries. I had to prepare spaghetti for church tonight. An activity to show love by cooking. The trip in town took 2 hours.

And so I had no time to nap like I used to on weekend afternoons. After preparing the food, thankfully, I had a group of people to deliver them to church via church van. I cycled to church. Nevertheless, all the sacrifices and effort were not in vain because of the fellowship we had on the table. Everyone was with full of joy. It was so heartwarming to see such a scene. Therefore, the effort worth something. And I'm glad my spaghetti with mutton in the tomato puree turned out well. Thanks to my group members.

Meeting an old friend

After class, I took the commuter to KL. It was to meet my father's long-time friend, Dr Ridzuan. My group was supposed to interview him. He is a medical doctor, a cardiologist at Pantai Hospital, Kuala Lumpur.

We met at Bangsar LRT station first. Then, we took a cab to his house uphill. This place is not unfamiliar to me as I've been coming here so often since my father works in this area. Upon reaching his house, which I would love to call it a mansion, we were greeted by the maid.

Soon after that, we started the interview. Dr was such a friendly man. He wasn't even proud of himself for being in this position. Though there were many interruptions during the interview, especially the calls from the hospital, he patiently answered our questions and even offered us a lift after that. Such were the kind gestures this old friend of my father showed. He's just so humble and I admire him a lot.

Though I may not be like him, I do hope that when I get into a very high social position, I would still be humble but firm with my beliefs.

No energy

Slept late yesterday night. Felt so tired in the morning and wished that I didn't have to get up from bed. But I had no choice as I had to make a trip to Taman Bernam to submit my assignment. That was the same assignment that sacrificed my sleep.

After submitting it, I took a walk uphill. About 500 metres, I turned back and returned home, waiting for EC class. After lunch, I went for another class, which I managed to pay much attention.

Hey, today is kind of mundane. I lost the energy and enthusiasm. Can't explain why.