Flabbergasted

I thought that was the last post. But today i'd decided to post about it. It's so disturbing, so mind-blowing.

After all the rushing here and there from Tg Malim Chinese Methodist Church to my own church in Sentul, Kuala Lumpur and then back to Tanjung Malim, I was quite exhausted.

Then my friends from church and I had a very late dinner at the newly opened KFC outlet. I just can't be talkative. I was tired and my heart was heavy. But I received a gift from my room mate. It was just so... indescribable. I mean... how could it happen? But before I narrate even more, let me recall the full story, from the beginning.

In our Saturday fellowship, we had this little activity on Shepherds and Sheep. Everyone is a shepherd and everyone is a sheep. You can be this person's shepherd but another person's sheep. The shepherd knows the sheep while the sheep doesn't know who is the shepherd. The shepherd's role is to take care of the sheep by writing messages, giving gifts and showing love by not revealing himself or herself.

This room mate of mine who gave me the gift was my shepherd. And I only knew it today. But I think it was all God's plan. You see, he won a prize in church in the lucky draw and I had to rush back to KL for a while, halfway during the service in the Tg Malim church. So in that period of time, if i were to be around, he wouldn't have the "privacy" to buy the gifts and wrap them. I kind of doubt that he picked his lucky draw gifts and wrap them for me. But he didn't. I trust what he said. And later when we left for KFC, I lost them and I cycled too fast. They were actually stopping by at Secret Recipe. If I didn't overshoot, I would have known that he's my shepherd then. So now I see how God works. It may be puzzling at first, but the final result will be something that surprises me. And I wonder whether God sent him for me or sent me for him. Perhaps both.

I'm speechless now. Words can't describe my feelings. I have no idea what to do, or I have no idea what's ahead.

Anyway, thanks a lot, Joshua Tang.

Whatever

I suppose this is my last post for this blog. I don't know what to write.

I've been down these few days. No one understands me. Or rather, no one wants to understand me. They all thought I'm just someone weird. Hello, mixing with people who has no friends is my act of kindness. You guys SUCK for categorizing me as one of them. I was just being nice to everyone. What would Jesus do? You hypocrites!

Nah.. who am I to judge them. But what am I to worry? No one's gonna read this post anyway. I can say all the shit I like here.

What a wonderful university! With nonsense friends who, on the surface, says that we are like a family but in truth... Yea... sucks!

Self-appreciation?

Slowly, but steadily, I'm discovering my own personality. It's not a pleasant thing to do, honestly, as I slowly find out the ugliness within me. My thoughts, my acts, my behaviour. perhaps I'm too much of a perfectionist.

I always strife to be the best even at the tender age of 4. I could not tolerate any imperfection. I could not allow myself being punished and I thought those who were being punished are bad people. I was good, so I should never be punished.

I guess God didn't allow that. The more I want to be perfect, the more imperfect I become. The more I strife to be good, I get into troubles which I intended not to get into. Funny, eh? Think it's God's of of humbling me.

I'm still very unclear how will my personality be shaped into. Seeing my peers doing well in their respective areas, I sometimes blame myself for not being focused. I took lots of unnecessary actions. As a result, I'm not the respectable, favourable man as I dreamed to be. Ahh, forget it... I'm awesome as I am now.

Realization

I think he existed in this point of my life, is to mess up with my life. Or rather, I should not exist in his life.

Remember in my earlier posts, I did mention that I felt so good when he's not around. And I became down when he returns. No, it wasn't that I tried  to be mean. He's my friend and I still love him, just like anyone else. Probably more. I found out that I had a kind of fear for him. Maybe it was just some differences in personalities, I have my needs, and he's not the type that could give me what I need. Yet I expected so much from him.

Every time he comes back home and greets me, I have a kind of fear. I wish he could sit beside me and talk to me and share his feelings with me. Instead, he's more interested in the matters of other people. I even bought him expensive dinner so that we could just talk over the table. To be able to understand his needs is much more worth than the money spent. I just want to be close friends with him. I felt that strong possessiveness inside myself. I want him to be my friend, all by myself. I felt that other people are stealing him away from me, leaving me friendless. It's very hard to explain.

Whenever he tried to tease me in a friendly way, I immediately gave him a sarcastic reply. Perhaps I didn't want to feel stupid in front of other friends. But I will definitely feel bad after that. I don't know what to do. He's so hard to understand. Now I have this love-hate feeling on him. When he's in a good mood, mixing around with people, I felt neglected and I start to hate him. Probably I'm hating myself to even think of that. But when he's down, I'll do my best to stay alongside him. But perhaps he didn't like it. He prefers to stay alone, or he prefers that I'm not present in his life. I don't know. And these things are killing me. I screwed up this semester because of these.

I'm still trying to study my own personality actually. Often, I'll act strange to cover my ugly side of me. If I really were to act normal, people would have chosen not to cross paths with me anymore. I'm just... very ugly inside.

If I hadn't met him, will I perform so much better than now, much more motivated to do a lot of things, to hold leadership posts and everything? Will I be a natural leader, gaining favor from my Creator and people? I know my destiny, but if I don't do something to save myself from this problem, I'm just wasting that opportunity.

Christmas Celebration at my hometown

Today is exactly one week before Christmas. The Central District of the Chinese Annual Conference of the Methodist Church had a celebration in The Mines, Serdang. Well, Serdang isn't exactly my hometown. I'm probably half KL, half Selangor. I was brought up in KL in my formative years.

I glad that there's finally a mass Christmas celebration here at my place. After service, we left via chartered bus to The Mines Shopping Fair. As we arrived, we had 3 hours of free time to roam around. I was a little busy as I had to go to and fro Serdang KTM Station to pick up friends. Then we had meals and a little practice on the Christmas carols.

At 8.15pm, the huge group who participate in the celebration broke into two groups and stood at both the bridges across the canal within the shopping mall. We burst into joyful Christmas carols and cheers. The atmosphere was just awesome. And after the mass choir, we went back up for some performances by a local singer.

A little after 9.30pm, we departed back to Tanjung Malim. Obviously it took us a very long time to reach home as there was a little traffic congestion coming out from the mall, the bus didn't take the highway and Serdang is about 30km down south of KL. And Tanjung Malim is another 70km north of KL, if by highway. That's the reason I'm not asleep even at this time.

Hugs and Embraces

I was both physically and mentally tired today.

First, I had Fire Brigade meeting. It's actually a test today, on giving commands. Owh... I'd rather being given commands and perform drills. I think it didn't turn out very well, at least better than many others. Then, I went to town with my course mate. Besides having brunch, I went to the market to get lemons and he went to seek for the help of a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner.

After that, I went back home to take a nap since at 2.30 pm, I'll be joining a programme with my RAS friends. I was kind of reluctant to go. Thankfully, 4.30 pm came quite soon and I went back home to nap again before heading to church.

I overslept and I was almost late. During worship, I was so down that I almost broke down. But I controlled myself. We had some activities and at the end of it, we were told to take pieces of heart-shaped bread to the person you'd like to apologize or commend, and end it with a hug. I got two hugs and I felt so comforted. 

Recently, I'd been praying that someone would come and give me a hug. If not, to have a comforting hug from my Lord in my dreams would suffice. I know the importance and power of embraces. I expected to get it from someone I trust, but I guess he doesn't have the same trust for me. And he doesn't like the sense of touch, unlike me. I really needed them to affirm and to strengthen myself. Well, you can't get a hug without giving one, so you are actually giving the affirmation to the person you hug, too, while receiving it.

God hears my prayers. I thank God for that.

Fun in the midst of busyness

I wished that I have enough to rest or nap. Usually, after my 8am class, I have the whole morning till noon for a power nap. It didn't seem so today. I was rather busy today.

There were three important events today. Two happened concurrently. First, it was to manage a stall near the gym. It's Entrepreneurship Week. As a Rakan Alam Sekitar member, I was on duty to sell food with some other friends. Sales wasn't very good until dinner time.

Immediately after my shift, it was 6 pm and I had to prepare for two things. First, it was the Tamil Language Society officiation, then Kemuncak Seni in the Faculty of Music. I had to perform in the former and become an audience in the latter. Thank God everything was fine. I wasn't very late for KS, so I didn't muss much of it.

After KS, I was surprised that the officiation just ended. I managed to take some pictures with the group I performed. We even had supper that was prepared for the committee. Yea I just looooooove Indian food.

Gatal giler...

Before the Sun rose, I woke up on a couch in KLIA with my friend. Obviously we didn't have a good sleep. KLIA has been like an empty shopping mall after the peak hours of flights.

Other than not having ample rest, my lower arms were itchy. I had no idea why. Couldn't be mosquitoes. It's too cold for them to be active. Besides, my friend didn't feel the itch despite not having a shower since morning. It's just strange. Maybe my arms or fingernails had contact with some chemicals that I'm allergic at. Well, not that I know of. It could be on the airport trolley, the meal tables, the handrail... anything. Some parts of my lower arms swelled due to the scratching.

After a whole day of busyness, my hands are still itching now. There's no medication. Hopefully it gets better soon. Till then, even when my face needs a light scratch, I wouldn't want to take the risk.

Can't do much

Just had two tests today. In the morning, it was Organic Chemistry. It was...indescribable. I don't want to describe how it was. Just... not that good.

Next, it was Japanese. Yea, just one hour ago. It was 90% in hiragana. Now you see how difficult it was. Before that, I had a dance practice for the Tamil Society night. I forgot what I read because of that, and I didn't do very well. Sensei marked my paper immediately and I got 5/10.

I'm going to send a friend off to the US tonight. Okay I'm off to KLIA now.

Cheezy

I guess I started my day well. Had enough sleep and I was in time for lecture. After class, I went to town to buy some ingredients for my cheese cake. The only thing I didn't manage to get is lemon, but generally, everything went on well.

The cheese cake I made was based on intuition. I didn't really follow the recipes I read online. And it was really a small one. After I mixed everything, I tasted a pinch of it and I thought it was quite good. The only fear was whether the gelatin works or not. If it doesn't the cream cheese will not stay solid and will flow like molten larva. Thank God, after many hours in the refrigerator, it stayed solid. Maybe it was the egg as well. Eggs will hold the cake as one piece.

Then, I brought the cake to the seniors' house. All girls. Many of them tasted and gave positive comments and suggestions. I was delighted! Haha... will improve my skills and make a better one soon.

Directionless

I have no idea why I am so tired and lazy today. Not to the point of being exhausted, but just felt lazy and want to escape to somewhere where I can focus and think with my right mind.

The very first class was Chemistry. I already felt like dying. I just wanna run out of the class. Another feeling that crept up to me is the craving for food. I know I kind of skipped breakfast and I was hungry, but definitely not until the compulsion of eating and eating and eating again. I avoided it by taking a nap.

At 2.30 p.m., we had our Biology presentation at the Chancellory. I will be having a class at 4 p.m., but the lecturers came to my booth only at 5 p.m., while others happily packed up already. Fortunately, I text the lecturer earlier to inform her my late attendance. We were really, really late.

I just felt unmotivated. I'm not even sure what's troubling me, or maybe I just didn't want to face the fact, or I need to break them into smaller parts to deal with. I don't know. I wish someone's here to hear me out.

I don't like this... and i need rest

I wished I have more time to rest. The end of the semester is approaching, yet some lecturers still gave us assignments. We should be doing revision at the point of time.

I had to meet my biology group again to complete the project at KHAR. Cycled there. We will be presenting our work tomorrow. Hopefully it will be well. Besides that, I had to attend a Rakan Alam Sekitar meeting at night. Thank God it wasn't long.

Another thing that contributed to my tiredness is this friend of mine. I never understand him. Maybe I do and I just don't want to accept the fact. It could be my own problem. But it's not what I want. My personality is shaped by the people around me. And not that I have a hideous face or an ugly personality. I am just the way I am. And if I can accept your personality, why can't you?

Tired of thinking all these. If only I have a close-to-heart friend. Even one is enough.

Feeling Lost

Had a rather busy day today.

After the meeting with the Fire Brigade, I went for lunch with friends, and quickly went back to settle some church stuff and swiftly, I cycled to KHAR for the Biology project with my group. I didn't have the time to nap to cover the hours that I didn't sleep.

Ok, actually I wasn't very clear with what I wanted to do today. I was kind of disoriented. Not enough sleep, I'm sure! Very sure. In fact, I wasn't even sure with what I want, what I expect. It seemed like every desire of mine is not justifiable, or not noble. I just don't know how to express them.

Never mind. I guess I'll just sleep now and everything's going to be fine tomorrow.

Sleep, man... sleep!

I didn't have enough sleep yesterday night. It was barely 2 or 3 hours of sleep. Had to rush some of the assignments.

I'm rather sorry for my room mates when I printed the documents at 7am. Two of them were disturbed by the noise. I don't understand why it is noisier than usual. Maybe the surrounding was relatively quiet. Another one slept like a pig, undisturbed at all. Yea, I know him. The only way to wake him up is repeated alarms or just a slightly heavy push on him.

Due to my lack of sleep, I felt the heat on my limbs. The feeling was kind of awesome as I didn't really feel the coldness in air-conditioned rooms. But then, my body will long for some warmth of the sunlight, which to my delight, was there when I came out from the classroom. Still, the lack of sleep made me drowsy during class. Thank God that it was just presentations and not lecture.

After CF, I came back home and wanted to take a 45-minute power nap. But I ended up sleeping until dinner time. 4 solid hours of sleep and I did not even hear my alarm. I must be too tired for not sleeping enough for the past few nights.

My liver's at risk now...

Tired day

I don't like today. It's such a waste of time. Utter nonsense! My goodness, and now it's so cold! And I'm so hungry...

This morning, all of us doing EC II were supposed to submit our interview reports. What can I say? I just hated the moment when some of the classmates were told to scrutinize groups' reports other than theirs. First, they were already not very good in English. I gave the lecturer the benefit of doubt that she was trying to train the students instead of passing responsibilities. But then, is it fair, when they didn't read properly and they accuse us for not following certain criterion? You know, some people prefer to write creatively, not in an obvious way. With that kind of poor judgement and dissing, all groups got a D. Screw them! Now I doubt that the lecturer even reads our reports.

Then, the lecturer gave us some other assignments. We were told to look for articles for closed test. Wasn't that the responsibility of the lecturer? Never mind... I shall not question that.

Failed

Japanese class today. We had to present our sketch. We didn't prepare well. In fact, we didn't prepare at all. Everything was haywire from yesterday night to this afternoon. First, it was the number of people in the group. All of a sudden, two girls barged in. Fine. Then they did not even turn up earlier for practice.

The sketch we played in front of the class was a total embarrassment. Not only we didn't remember the dialogue, some of us we too blur to say anything. And those girls... my goodness! They didn't talk when it's their turn. They thought it was someone else's turn. This is the effect of not practicing.

But should I really blame them? I may, I may not. It's teamwork, anyway. Totally screwed up the sketch.

Later at night, I had a light conversation with sensei on Facebook chat. She said she graded my group 14 marks. Earlier, she promised us that she will not give any marks lower than 15. Since my group only got 14, I suppose we were very bad.

C'est la vie! You be kind to others and they screw you back.

A foolish day

Yea, I had free time the whole day today. Was suppose to complete whatever assignments I have, but I ended up spending a few hours taking nap, online and so on.

Just now I had Tamil class. I thought we only had reading test, but ended up we had another quiz, which I didn't prepare at all. I guess I screwed it up. But my lecturer kind of "helped" me. To me, it didn't matter because it's an audit subject and the marks will not affect my grades. Well, as long as I learn my Tamil well.

My room mate lost his voice. Poor thing. Last semester, if he's sick, I'll pray for him before he sleeps. But today, he looked tired. And he slept immediately when he returned home. Never mind. I think I'll pray for him tomorrow. This is the least that I could do.

Sigh...

How shall I describe today? Only 4 hours of lecture. I had lots of free time, yet I didn't spend it wisely. I slept a lot today, probably trying to escape from reality.

Had some cravings recently. I have no idea why I wanted a slice from Secret Recipe so much. I have yet to pay them a visit. Perhaps I need some cream cheese to melt in my mouth. Perhaps it's an antidote for my low spirit. Perhaps, I just need something sweet.

What else can I say? I'm rather tired with life. There're so many possibilities and uncertainties, just on one issue. What's more, I have many other issues as well. And I don't seem to be able to share it out. Guess I've lost faith in people.

I don't dare to say, but I kind of feel that life is meaningless.

...

I'm back to that mode once again. The negative one. Slowly. I can feel it. It's not healthy.

I find myself doing what I should not do, and not doing what I should do. I'm justifying my own sins. My heart is full of ugliness. I hate myself. I hate myself for being like that. I feel stupid.

Hopefully I can overcome this. Real fast.

The manliness

It's Saturday, yea... so it's Fire Brigade day. I finally had the chance of drilling with the water hose. My role was to run from end to end to deliver the message, besides carrying a roll of hose and run.

While running with the hose, it unrolls, which is what it should be. Unfortunately, it wasn't properly rolled, or I was a little clumsy and held the hose in a wrong method. The hose bruised my left knuckle. I didn't realize the blister until after the drill. Regardless of the tire and injuries sustained, I must say that it was a good experience. I felt a little of the manliness of a Fire Brigadier.

I always thought that firemen are much better people compared to the police and army. I lost a little confidence for the latter but still have some respect for the former. They risk their lives saving people in danger. What other job that is noble as this?

Lazy day

Today is a day with lesser stress, but it was rather busy.

I had to present a topic together with two seniors on Inorganic Chemistry. I didn't have to talk much as my seniors had took up too much time. Was it a good thing? I don't know. I wasn't very well prepared. It's not a topic which I'm good at. There were two presentations and written quizzes on the spot. We only had to do the one we were not presenting.

After that, as I missed the earlier lecture, I went to the class of another Inorganic Chemistry group. Oh my... the presentations were so lengthy and I couldn't wait for it to end. It was such a horrible time as I was waiting to go for PERKUPSI. Everything ended at 1pm, as if the Muslim guys didn't have to prepare to go to the mosque.

Nothing much in the afternoon except for lunch with TESL juniors. Strange huh? I'm not even doing TESL.

Had to walk in the rain for dinner. A friend couldn't come to my place, so I had to go to his place instead.

It's a lazy day.

Blur

After staying up late until 5 am in the morning, I was very exhausted. I had only 3 hours of sleep. All I wanted was just to lay in my bed and not getting up. But I had to submit my Tamil assignment, so I forced myself to wash up.

Today, I had only one class to go for, which was at 2 pm. After the class, I went back home to sleep until dinner time. I had a dinner appointment at the other side of the campus, which made felt lazy to even eat. I went, anyway, and at 8, it was a meeting with the English Debate Club.

I think I'm adopting a very unhealthy lifestyle. I slept late, have supper at 3am and long, frequent naps. Don't do what I did.

I'm still very, very tired now.

Stressed but sweet

I'm almost being pushed to the brink. So stressed up with assignments! I wish someone will come and just have a talk with me. But anyway, everything was fine after Japanese class. But I still wished that all classes are cancelled so that I could just take a long nap. A looooong one.

Today's my room mate, Artur's birthday. I had been planning for a surprise celebration for him since Monday. Yesterday, I even walked to town to get those relighting candles. Thank God I found them. Just a prank for the birthday boy. Just now, as planned, I went to Secret Recipe to collect the Black Forest cheese cake and kept it in the fridge. It was a challenge to make sure Artur doesn't come down and see the cake.

A little after 10.30 p.m, friends from nearby houses came. We gave him a good surprise. After enjoying the cake, some of them proceeded for supper, but here I am now, to complete my assignments.

Well, it's worth the effort, as long as Artur is happy.

The screwed-ups!

Tell you what screwed up my life today.

1. Feelings. Emotions. Well, as you know, it's has been quite some time I had this problem. It seems every little thing that doesn't go my way will tick me off thoroughly. I get annoyed very easily. I just love to be in control. It's very irrational and I know it. Something has to be done about this. Or else, I'll either be very unpopular, or this shit will drive me crazy.

2. Migraine. It has been quite a while I have this mild pain on the left side of my head. Besides, there's this little hardened stuff on my face immediately beside my left ear. I suspect that both are linked. Maybe the hard stuff restricts some blood to go to the left brain. Hopefully, it's not stroke, though there is a possibility.

3. Assignments and classes. I was supposed to meet a lecturer with some seniors on our assignment. It's a presentation. However, we all were not prepared well as the lecturer required. Therefore, the meeting wasn't fruitful. Well, at least we know now what to do. Then, I had Tamil class. I totally forgot about the assignment given last week. Everyone submitted except me. Although it's easy and I can pass it up tomorrow, I felt bad.

4. Cravings versus weight and cash. A few weeks ago, miraculously I didn't crave for food as much as the past. Things were great at that time. But soon after I recovered from my recent sinus, my cravings increased rapidly and I just feel like munching all the time, especially when I feel lonely. On the other hand, I'm worried about my weight and wallet. I successfully dropped a few kgs earlier and I was hoping to drop more. And my budget. I want to save up. I don't want to use that much of the scholarship. I NEED TO CURB MY CRAVINGS! Screw my life!

While walking home from Tamil class, I was alone. Under the rain. But it's something worth to be thankful, because I can have some personal time to reflect upon myself.

Oh...

No joke. Today, there were light showers a few times and heavy downpours. I cannot even hang and dry my clothes which I washed yesterday night.

Anyway, it's a public holiday today, and our church had visitation from the university students in Kampar. We had so much fun together. After that, we had lunch. Everything was wonderful until evening. I mean, it wasn't because of the Kampar students. They left after lunch. What I mean is when my room mate is back from his hometown.

I don't know how to explain. It's so weird. When he's back, my heart felt heavy. I was very unhappy. No... I don't hate him. I'm not angry at him. But it's just weird. I felt much happier without him around. As if I'm in control. But then, I'm not competing for name and fame with him. I don't know. But good that I can control my emotions and not letting it out. Just rationalise

and analyse the reason I had those feelings.

Luckily, a TESL friend invited me for dinner. Met some other friends and we sat together. My mood turned better. I guess I'm friend-dependant. It's not good because it shows that I'm insecure. Whatever it is, I hope that I won't give up and give in to the bleak moments in life. It's not as bad as I see.

A new me?

This morning, I went to church with a joyful heart. Could be from yesterday's fellowship. The happiness and the joy of fellowship with the family of the faith.

So what did I do today? Let me recall... Had lunch after church service, cycled to a friend's place, caught in the rain and cycled anyway, soaked, what else... yup.. and cell group. Everything was nice and fine today.

But then, these made me realise that certain things in my life I've not dealt with. Some personality or attitude issues. I wished they were solved long, long ago, but it is still around and haunting me regularly. Mood swings and emotional problems will emerge and I can sense them coming out. I think I'm just insecure. Praying that God will make this a good thing to train me and not a form of testing which if I fail, I will bear the consequences.

Anyway, I'm so full of joy today. I'm not sure whether because it's a holiday tomorrow, or there's no assignments which I have to rush at the moment, or just simply because my room mate is not around. Just feel thankful to God for this day. Anything to deal with, I guess I'll just have faith in God and not to lean on my own understanding.

No rest

It was a very busy day for me. Didn't have the time to lie down and take a nap. It started in the morning when I had to wake up earlier to revise my Chemistry because of the test at 9 a.m. Prior to that, I was already very tired travelling to and fro Kuala Lumpur for the interview. It was a challenge to wake up.

Anyway, I was just in time for the test. After test, I went for the Fire Brigade meeting. We had foot drill and fire hose drill. Obviously, that costed me lots of energy. On top of that, it was very hot and I felt my energy being drained out from my body. Then, I accompanied my course mate to town for lunch and also to shop for groceries. I had to prepare spaghetti for church tonight. An activity to show love by cooking. The trip in town took 2 hours.

And so I had no time to nap like I used to on weekend afternoons. After preparing the food, thankfully, I had a group of people to deliver them to church via church van. I cycled to church. Nevertheless, all the sacrifices and effort were not in vain because of the fellowship we had on the table. Everyone was with full of joy. It was so heartwarming to see such a scene. Therefore, the effort worth something. And I'm glad my spaghetti with mutton in the tomato puree turned out well. Thanks to my group members.

Meeting an old friend

After class, I took the commuter to KL. It was to meet my father's long-time friend, Dr Ridzuan. My group was supposed to interview him. He is a medical doctor, a cardiologist at Pantai Hospital, Kuala Lumpur.

We met at Bangsar LRT station first. Then, we took a cab to his house uphill. This place is not unfamiliar to me as I've been coming here so often since my father works in this area. Upon reaching his house, which I would love to call it a mansion, we were greeted by the maid.

Soon after that, we started the interview. Dr was such a friendly man. He wasn't even proud of himself for being in this position. Though there were many interruptions during the interview, especially the calls from the hospital, he patiently answered our questions and even offered us a lift after that. Such were the kind gestures this old friend of my father showed. He's just so humble and I admire him a lot.

Though I may not be like him, I do hope that when I get into a very high social position, I would still be humble but firm with my beliefs.

No energy

Slept late yesterday night. Felt so tired in the morning and wished that I didn't have to get up from bed. But I had no choice as I had to make a trip to Taman Bernam to submit my assignment. That was the same assignment that sacrificed my sleep.

After submitting it, I took a walk uphill. About 500 metres, I turned back and returned home, waiting for EC class. After lunch, I went for another class, which I managed to pay much attention.

Hey, today is kind of mundane. I lost the energy and enthusiasm. Can't explain why.

Exhausted

I felt a little tired today. Emotions are unstable again. Have been exercising but muscles are getting weaker than before. Don't know what is happening to me.

Going to stay up late tonight anyway. Not going to talk much this time.

Is it true that the weather affects one's mood?

What a day...

Morning class was cancelled. WOOOHOO!!!

I get to wash my clothes and dried under the Sun! WOOHOO!!!

Manage to pay attention during Biology class! WOOHOO!!!

People said that the best is always at the end. True enough. I had quiz and speech test during Tamil class. I had to recite the speech my friend translated for me last week. It wasn't very hard, but it was quite long, so it was still a challenge to me. The first few lines were easy.

Have to improve my Tamil. Practise makes perfect. Yup!

The smell of the sea

OK Malaysia won the football match with Indonesia. Something to be rejoiced nationwide. My heart leaped, trust me, but I'll talk about something else.

We had dissection today for Biology experiment. We were to observe the structures of slimy and aquatic creatures. It's definitely a nightmare for me.

At first, I was drawing a live snail. I already had that little fear and disgust in me. I'm not a fan of all these slimy creatures. Suddenly, my lecturer placed a squid on a rubber board beside the snail. I got a huge fright and yelled. The squid wasn't disgusting. It was just so abrupt that I thought my lecturer put something scary there. Luckily I didn't scream like a girl. Still, my lecturer laughed at my reaction. My friends, too.

The lab session did not end with a happy mood. Not for me. Things were unpleasant, especially the odour. I would rather dissect a mice like what I did in Form 6. And my friend wasn't feeling well today. She left for the Health Centre while doing the experiment. Hope she's okay now.

Tired like...

As I promised myself earlier, I woke up earlier to attend the Chinese church instead of the Tamil church. All the while, my room mates woke up earlier than I. This time, when I was preparing to leave the house, they were still sleeping. They were very tired I suppose.

Let's skip the service. We had to decorate the hall for Christmas. Initially, everything was fine. Many were helping out. Soon, one by one left. And before we knew, only a handful of people left to manage the decorations. I did felt tempted to leave. After all, I had to clean the toilet at home.

But I stayed. We started at about 11am, and everything ended at 4pm. Even then, nothing was perfect. We were just so tired and burnt out. I wasn't sure how those who were there think, but I know I wasn't feeling happy and alright.

During cell group, I can sense my anger raging up. Tried to reason it, but I just can't seem find one. But I knew very well that I'll have to keep my peace, or else, things will be ugly. Somehow, my emotions leaked a little, but I quickly recomposed myself and said something nice.

Looks like there's much more room of improvement for my emotions management, though I believe I've improved much since I had this problem.

Under the Sun

It's so great to be under the Sun!

I had Inorganic Chemistry test this morning, so I had to join the fire Brigade for the afternoon group. As expected, it was very warm and sunny. After one hour of lecture, we moved to the courtyard of the Rahman Talib hall for foot drill.

We were taught new drill steps. Initially, I felt a little silly. There were too many steps to remember, and what's more, we had to do it quickly. After lots of repetition, I slowly mastered the steps.

Actually that wasn't the best thing of the day. The best of it was, I was under the Sun! It felt so nice! I just love the warm embrace of the Sun at high noon. People might think that it's crazy, it's hot, and whatever... They will do whatever to keep themselves in shades. But if I'm eccentric, so be it! As long as I like it, who cares?

Not that easy

I felt lighter today. My soul, i mean. I don't feel the burden weighing me down like the past few weeks. Perhaps this is what we call, joy.

You know, I used to get jealous very easily. I'll get irritated very fast, too. Somehow, miraculously, even though I may feel like that today, I thought it was quite easy to let it go instead of feeling bitter. Yea I know it's strange. How would you like to explain it?

Went to PERKUPSI today. The person in charge talked about the story of Christmas. It's so mind-blowing. There were so many interesting facts which we kind of ignored, like the Magi did not find Jesus as a baby, but a two years old toddler. Besides, Joseph and Mary had to bear the trouble to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem for the census, face the social pressure and run away to Egypt to escape Herod's wrath.

It's not always easy and convenient to follow God's will. Patience and perseverance are needed. And I learnt to be a little mature when I deal with things.

I guess it's a good, peaceful day today.

Secretary me

Ok, let me recall what had happened today.

Forget about what happened in the day. Let me focus on what happened just now.

It's the inaugural Annual General Meeting of the English Debate Club just now. The club never had a formal AGM before this. The president, Sanjay wasn't officially the president. The newly elected president is Thilaga. I become the secretary. Aww... How could it be? Secretary posts are normally reserved for girls in UPSI. Perhaps I should break their mindset that guys too, can be effective in being a secretary.

In this club, most of us are TESL students. It's a norm for an English-speaking club to be filled with TESL students. And I feel special to be in this club because I'm the only non-TESLian. Hopefully there will be more non-TESL students joining this club as we need their brains as well.

Cravings!

Not again.

I believe I'm recovering from my sinus. Maybe I lost too much heat. My body is signalling me to eat more. Can you imagine after having a heavy meal, you don't even feel that you are half full?

I had Japanese language class today. The topic was about... yup.. food. Sensei mentioned about expensive chocolate brands like Godiva and Fererro Rocher. Right there, in the middle of the class, I CRAVED FOR CHOCOLATES! It's so, so, so crazy!

Too bad, I forgot about it after class. I only remembered I wanted to buy something. At the end, I only bought a bottle of pasta sauce and some instant noodles.

I don't know what else to write about. I just feel like sinking my teeth into some savoury and sweet treats.

Recovering

Yup. I'm recovering, despite the little muscle aches. Overall, I'm getting better.

I want to talk about that friend again. But then, I don't know what to say. It's better not to hope too much. We don't talk as much as we used to. It's as if I do not exist. And I don't know what to do now. Is it worth the effort to treat him well? Not that he knows. Even if he knows, will he even appreciate my effort?

Many times I thought he should have a comfortable bed to sleep, so I helped him to make his bed. He seldom or never makes his bed. What do I get at the end? He deliberately thanked another room mate. He teased me instead of thanking me. I had two things in mind, "That feeling sucks!" and "What a jerk~!"

But at the same time, was I stripping off his ego? Some guys must do certain things only by themselves without a single interference from anyone. Not even close friends. What's more, he doesn't even consider me his close friend, I guess.

Now he's watching Lost alone. He didn't even bother to ask whether I want to watch it together. Who am I to get mad at him, anyway? On what basis should I raise my temper? None, actually.

Ah-choo!

By reading the title, any right-minded person would understand what it means. Never had such a wonderful (sarcasm intended) experience like this.

The day started with my Chemistry class being cancelled. Good news? The best was yet to come. Anyway, I had a little time to fold my clothes, which I wanted to do since the break started. The weather was hot, sunny, awesome.

Just before I left home at 1p.m., I already felt my nose running like a tap. I cycled to campus and quickly grabbed something to eat. Miraculously, it stopped immediately, when I started munching. During lab, I sneezed like crazy again. As gross as it may be, yea, into my lab coat. I sneezed until I felt like blur.

After lab, I craved for some savoury, hot food. I always believe that if I cater to my cravings, my sneezing will stop at once, no matter how weird my cravings could be. I went to the Education Museum's cafe. Total bummer. They said rice and noodles are all sold out. Yea, can't blame them. It's already 3 p.m. So what I had was a plate of nuggets and a glass of cold tea. Can't describe how awesome that feeling was. If only it was a plate of rice with dishes, it would be better Nothing beats that at that particular time. Just.. you know... cravings.

Then it's 3P class. We didn't do anything practically except two inventory tests. MEDSI, nice to see you again. And another one.. I don't remember the name. While doing, maybe I shouldn't tilt my head to look down when I have sinus, I sneezed again. On my lab coat, again. Ugh! I even heard some laughters in the room. Well, what could I do? It wasn't my choice to sneeze like that, was it?

Earlier on, I had plans to have cheaper dinner from now on. Either eat less, or eat cheaper food. But because of this sinus I'm having, I'll have to give in to my cravings. I just needed to eat more. So I went to this Chinese shop which serves a rather huge portion for dinner. Ahh.. the contentment!

So that was my day. Not over yet. Muscles are aching now. Looks like I'll have to rest...NOW.

Am I suppose to keep quiet?

During cell group just now, I shared about love, which in Greek, can be classified into eros, philos and agape. I may be talking about love, but I cannot justify what I did and what I thought the entire day since morning.

Okay I didn't feel alright. I have no clue what had happened.

This morning, there were some leftovers of the Foochow delicacy, Kompia which a senior bought yesterday. They'll definitely taste better if heated, so I heated them a little on a wok without oil. Then I offered this friend of mine to take some before attending church, since those lovely dough we not meant for me alone. I was just practising hospitality. You know what was his reply? Without even looking at me, he said, "Oh, I don't like to eat Kompia, unfortunately."

Now, what the hell was that suppose to mean? Why "unfortunately"?

Later, whatever he did, it was like as if I never existed. He greeted everyone except me. Whenever I talked to him, I felt that he's trying to avoid me.

What on earth did I do that I offended him? Did I just steal his lover or what? And whatever reply I give, be it a compliment or a friendly teasing, he just didn't like them. Is this my problem or what? Or, am I supposed to just keep my mouth shut because I'm not worthy to be your friend? I wish he could be honest to tell me what he didn't like about what I did or say.

It's so hard. And tormenting. I don't want to lose this friend. I never had any bad intention. Is showing love even considered a sin? I could see that he's getting close to some friends. It's not wrong, but I felt abandoned. And I don't think I understand him.

At the same time, I have some ugly thoughts in my mind too. I think they kind of grew from the bitterness and hateful feelings inside. I kept asking God for forgiveness and to save this friendship. But if he is meant to just be a temporary friend, I can't say much. But deep in my heart, I still need a guy friend who can identify with me and whom I could trust my problems and secrets and weaknesses with. While I'm still trying to be a friend like this to people around me, I hope to find such a friend, too.

I bet after reading this, he might even think that I'm a wierdo. Whatever.

But love is patient and kind, isn't it?

Of ups and downs

One of my favourite Foochow delicacy is Kompia, especially the ones in the town of Sibu. Since my last trip to East Malaysia, I've been having that craving for the simple yet heart-warming dough.

Late afternoon today, one of my housemates came with a plastic bag. It was filled with Kompias! He said a Sibu friend asked to pass that to me. I think it's because of my Facebook status days ago. I said I missed Kompias. The plain type which is from Sibu. I'm so touched by his gesture.

This is one of the little things that make me feel loved and appreciated. Yes I do. Food does play an important role in my life, to curb cravings, to lift up my soul, for fellowship and to make someone happy.

On the other hand, I think I'm into this problem again. My emotions. No, not that I threw tantrums or what. I felt unimportant. Don't wish to explain. Hope things will go better tomorrow.

Crabs Again!

I woke up very, very early in the morning despite not having enough rest. I only slept at 1am.

After a quick wash up, I brought some friends, as decided earlier, to Pulau Ketam. We took the early commuter to KL Sentral for breakfast, then another train to Port Klang. The time in the train seemed short when there's a whole bunch of crazy people ranging from Semester 1 juniors to a graduated senior. We just talked and laughed and giggled all the way in the commuter. I pity the passengers who needed a short nap before work starts, but were denied of that opportunity due to our noise.

At KL Sentral, we met with another friend with his parents. That made 20 of us in the trip. And we took about half an hour to reach the island.

Due to our large number of people, we took longer time to move about. Everything seemed to have got our attention. It wasn't like that last Tuesday! Some of us rented bicycles while some of us preferred to go by foot.

While walking, those who cycled went very far away. We found a place with local delicacies and we enjoyed them so much! Poor guys who chose to cycle far, far away. Then I decided to text them that they are missing out something. Immediately, they called back and asked for our location. It was just so funny!

The grand finale was lunch. We had seafood package which costs us only about RM 20 per person. It's already very cheap.

This trip was awesome.

With the smell of fried crab on my fingers, I'm posting this and I'm about to log out.

Who am I now?

It's kind of strange recently. At least to me.

I think I switched roles unconsciously with a friend. To me, he's someone who was insensitive, selfish and occasionally blur. Sorry... his blurness was as often as the rain in Tanjung Malim. Because of these traits, I actually don't know what to say now. I just... I just felt hurt at times. I tried to be a thoughtful friend, yet was returned with such unfair treatment. I didn't deserve them!

Today, I became a rather selfish person. I used to love to spend on my friends, treating them lunch or dinner, or just buy something nice to munch for them. But now I'm not. I only thought of my own wallet. Instead, he was kind today. He was kind to open the door for everyone who came in or out of the house since he's seated near the door in the living room. After dinner, he bought some buns for the housemates. That's really nice of him.

Strange, right? Maybe it could be explained psychologically, or maybe, God made it so.

Was it a good thing to be what I didn't like earlier? Was it a good thing to be in his shoes? I guess no matter what, I shall retain my good traits and to be selfless, not a fish monger.

Flow gently for me

This morning, I dragged myself up from bed. Had to pack up to go back to Tanjung Malim. Before that, I'll have to take a train to Klang to tag along the van that was coming back here.

We had Klang Bak Kut Teh for brunch. It was.. woowwwww~ I shall not describe for the sake of some readers who may not like or may be offended by this type of Chinese cuisine. Then we traveled back to Tanjung Malim.

The moment I reached home, I quickly grabbed my short pants and towel and cycled to the East Gate of the campus. I'd made an appointment with a TESL junior to have a dip in Sungai Samak. It was really a coincidence. We were chatting on Facebook last night. He told me he was alone in the hostel and bored because all his friends have gone back to their respective hometowns. Poor thing. Then along the lines of the conversation, he mentioned about exploring this little town. I asked whether he had heard of Sungai Samak and eventually invited him to visit that place. He was happy with that idea and quickly agreed as we had not been there.

We cycled there. First, we checked out on some possible fun spots. The best thing was that the water was clear. I don't like murky water. We identified a few and we started with the one near Teratak Riverview campsite, which was the furthest we went. At some parts of the river, the water was swift and deep. Obviously it was thrilling for boys like us. After about an hour, we'd decided to switch spot. Getting ashore was quite a chore as we had to swim against the current. We could have easily been washed away by the mighty waters. We cycled towards the main road and continue hunting for possible spots.

The next spot was a calm site. The river was deep enough and the current was slow enough for a jump. However, I noticed a small school of fish taking shelter near a tree from the current and an army of water striders on the surface of the river. As I have a little phobia for fish, i jumped on the other side. Without those two pesky little creatures, I would have a great time jumping into the river again and again. We only spent a few minutes there.

The third spot was under the bridge. There is a part where the river makes a U-turn. It was deep. Actually, the depth of a river depends on season and weather. Sometimes, a heavy downpour will wash the sands away from one part of the river to the other part. We really had a good time there. There was even an area which is like a V shape. So deep that I can't even stand on it.

After all the current defiance and sun tan, we left, with our hearts lingering at that place.

Wasn't it strange that I didn't ask anyone out but this TESL junior? I could have asked my course mates who didn't went back home. Or some housemates. Oh yea. My room mate wouldn't be interested, that's why i didn't intend to invite him in the first place. I guess I'm quite close to TESL juniors. I'm not even a TESLian.

Within the Klang Valley

This morning, I took the earliest bus to the Serdang commuter station to catch a train to Port Klang. I was heading to Pulau Ketam. But before that, I had to meet my friends who are spending their holidays in Klang.

The journey to the Crab Island wasn't too tough. From the Port Klang KTM station, it's only a minute walk to the jetty. The ferry took about half an hour to reach the island.

Basically, there's nothing much in that island but stilts. Everything is built on stilts. This Chinese majority village island has no cars at all. Only bicycles were seen. Other than that, electricity-run bicycles or bicycles that run on some fuel. Definitely not petrol. There's no petrol station in the island.

We had seafood for lunch. Oh my... It's so so so so expensive. You probably can get even cheaper and better offers in KL. Why would this little island earn like nobody's business? Why not, if that is one of the only few means to generate income in the island, as it is separated from the mainland. Can't blame them, though. It's a tourist place!

Why am I home?

Hey I'm back at home. In Serdang.

You know, I expected to spend some time with my family. But, it just didn't happen. My family is busy with their own chores. Everyone has lots of things to do. It doesn't make any difference whether I'm back home or not. Feels more at home in Tanjung Malim.

I'm thinking about going back to Tanjung Malim. There's nothing to do at home. I'll be surfing the internet all day long. My friends are not free. So it's like no point coming home.

In dilemma now.

I'll be bringing my friends to Pulau Ketam tomorrow. I'll take it as a pre-trip to scout around for this Friday's actual trip. Will be bringing another bunch of people there on Friday. After the pre-trip, I'm not sure whether I should just take a train and shoot straight to Tanjung Malim, or head to Serdang.

Over.. It's holiday now!

Today's Sunday and it's church day. Also Raya Haji day. After church, I only took a nap. It had not been a productive day.

However, I'm a little comforted, perhaps excited that I'm finally going back home tomorrow! No... not that I miss home. I just thought that I should go back home to spend some time with my parents. They're cool people and I love them!

Also, I may want to catch up with the hustle and bustle of the metropolitan Kuala Lumpur again. Kind of miss the air pollution and the noise. It's just so.. KL!

It's about faith and endurance

This morning, I went to Batang Kali and Serendah towns to distribute tracts with some friends. As usual, these Chinese settlements have lots of dogs, be it wild or domestic, and that is the only difference. What I mean was that these dogs are all fierce, regardless whether they are reared of not.

There was this house with the gate wide open. The moment I stepped in, 3 dogs came and barked at me. Thank God that I had two dogs at home and I kind of know their behaviour. Running away will surely be a wonderful disaster, so I slowly walked in and whistled. Slowly, the dogs retreated and sat aside, as if they are welcoming a guest. Finally, I succeeded giving a tract to the house by putting it on the grill door. Without faith and endurance, I would have easily quit.

Isn't it the same for relationships? I think there's something strange between my friend and I. We were not close as we used to be. Perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps there's nothing but an inaccurate intuition. Whatever it is, it takes courage and trust between us and faith in God to keep this friendship.

Just another day

I wouldn't want to talk much about today.

I had only 2 hours of lecture this morning. We got back our Inorganic Chemistry quiz paper. Cut the long story short, I obtained a perfect score. The paper was very easy actually. But the best thing is, this score made my confidence leaped. Awesome, isn't it?

Going to watch another episode of Lost later. Room mate was ill. Hope he gets better.

What title shall I put here?

I don't know what to say about today. Definitely it's not a pleasant day. But I believe I am the one who controls what I feel, not other people.

My day started with a room mate who was not having an 8 a.m. class doing his laundry in the bathroom. He refused to use the washing machine because hand washing is cleaner, said he. I had lab at 8, but he wasn't even bathing. All he did was to wash his clothes and it he took so much time. I was almost late. Only about 20 minutes before 8, he came out. After washing up, he was sitting on my way. To save time, I threw my clothes across the room to the table and I left the room hastily. I bet he didn't know or didn't care about it. He was only concerned about his assignment.

I was so angry when I left home. Why is he such an inhibitor? Can't he be an enzyme? Only much later, I heard a still, small voice. I quickly said a prayer to ask for forgiveness for having such anger, and in my heart, I forgave him.

After that, it was EC. We had a test. Let's go straight to the result. I got 7.5 out of 10. Many other people got 8 or 8.5. I wasn't happy. How can they even get that mark? I'm obtained Band 5 in MUET and what are theirs? Some of them barely got a Band 3. Ok I know I sound like a puffed up guy, I'm proud, I'm cocky, but still, who would believe that a Band 5 guy gets a lower mark than those who can't even speak proper English?! But then, I have to learn to be humble.

Actually I felt worse during lunch. First, it rained and I was almost soaked. Then flies and cats are disturbing me when I was eating. Later, my friends came and one of them was my room mate. Another room mate. I asked what he got for EC since he took the same test days ago. He got 8.5. What the hell?! I mean, WHAT THE HELL! Few weeks ago, he was praised for presented his assignment well in class. I was given a rather discouraging remark. And now he got a higher mark than I. Can I say a bad word now?

This same guy spoiled my day again. Early in the morning, he boiled some noodles and left it on the table. I thought he might have cooked some for me, too, but since I was rushing for lab, I didn't ask and I only text him to ask if some of it was for me. He replied, saying that it was for those in the house who wanted to eat. Then I told him that very likely it will be untouched, since he didn't inform the household. True enough.

Later, I thought of keeping that for dinner so as not to waste food. I even text him again to tell him not to throw and I want to have it for dinner. He said he didn't want it as it may spoil, but I assured him that fermentation won't happen so fast. After discussion with a friend outside, I came back home. And guess what? Bingo! He disposed them. Awesome friend. He could be thinking that I should not risk my stomach with it, but hello... the noodle wasn't even wet with sauces or what. Should I give him a medal for being kind? Whatever. Had to have my dinner outside. Alone.

Sometimes I think, am I not entitled to my feelings? If I show that I'm upset, congratz! I just became an unpopular guy. Everyone hates me. If I remain my smile after some brainless fella offended me, he thinks that I can be messed with. And I constantly need someone to be with me. Is that wrong? Is that too much?

Lesson for today? Forgiveness. Humility. Love anyway.

Being Tested

Today is the day where my knowledge on what I'd learnt the past 7 weeks is tested.

The first test was Japanese Language. We were told to master Hiragana writings because that is what we will face on our test papers. Okay it wasn't too difficult. I admit that it's kind of hard to memorise all the Hiragana letters which do not have any relations to the languages I knew. Fortunately, the test was in the objective form. The best of all was, some answers at the back actually complimented the questions in front. Hiragana identifcation became so easy.

Good things won't last long, anyway. At night, it was Biology test. I didn't manage to study much. They just didn't want to get into my brain. And it was tough. Half of the marks belonged to the essay which I barely had an idea of it. Wow... great....

Never mind. Looks like I have to put in a lot more effort in my studies.

Perfectionist

I always wanted to be the best of the best since young. To be specific, my kindergarten days. When I was merely four years old, I started looking at the mirror and thought that I didn't look as good as my older brother. He was just so much more handsome than I.

I didn't allow any imperfection to happen to me. If this happened to someone, I'll make sure I won't follow his footsteps. I'll jolly well make sure that I'm the best and I have the best.

Ironically, the more I deliberately be a perfect person, the more imperfect I become. I wanted to score well in my exams and top the class. I couldn't. Someone beat me along the way. And as time went, I lost again and again. Somehow there will be people who could beat me.

Now, I wouldn't dare to ask for more. I know I will never reach that standard. I only strive to be a good friend to anyone. I'm a good listener. I try to stand in their shoes. I even availed myself previously to be 24-hours standing by. Anyone who even texts me in the middle of the night will be given a prompt reply.

Yet it is a total bummer if I were to expect for a friend like that. Who would be so foolish to get up in an ungodly hour to reply text messages? Nevertheless, I still wish for a friend like that, whom I can have heart-to-heart conversations, a warm embrace when either one of us is down, a pat on the back to encourage each other, share similar passions... There's none like that here in this varsity.

I have this jealousy and anger when the good I showed is not returned. It has been very often as this friend of mine is not sensitive to people's feelings. You could even say that he's one selfish guy. Sometimes I was so heartbroken that I gave a dirty face to everyone, like girls when they are having their difficult time of the month. But who am I to judge him? What if something in the past caused him to be like this? It's very difficult to love someone like this. And often I blame myself for not being perfect, that is why I'm somehow disliked, or hated.

It's ok. The French says "de rien", which means it's nothing. I shall continue to love this unlovable person anyway, at the same time, improve my weaknesses.

Monday again

In Biology, we learn that lightning aids the production of nitrogen compounds that fertilizes the soil. One flash produces so much heat that some reaction happen in the sky and comes down together with rain. In short, lightning should be something lovely...or at least useful. Not until last Friday.

As I had mentioned in a few posts before this, the weather had been strange, as if it has mood swings. It was sunny before noon and it started to shower lightly a few times. At late noon, it rained again. Therefore, I quickly got out of the house to collect the clothes on the lines. The moment I stepped out of the door, lightning came and I saw a bright blinding spark in the house. Immediately, all electrical appliances stopped working......until this morning.

I wasn't at home when the Telekom technician came. Thank God, line is up now, business as usual.

Anyway, my former room mate surprised me by bringing his hometown confectionery for me. Going to be fat again, i think.

Nothing-much-to-do day

It's still Diwali holiday mood now. I believe everyone has gone back home. While they were enjoying the comfort of their houses or having lots of fun in their trips, some of us who are taking Chemistry this semester chose to attend a three-hour lecture today. Well, not all of us, but probably just 30% of the whole class.

We logged into a website hosted by the publisher of the Chemistry reference book we bought earlier. Our lecturer had prepared some questions for us on that website. Therefore, what we did was only to practice the 14 question online.

Other than that, I practically didn't do anything except to sleep. Zzzzzzz.....

Yea. Should have been more active, right?

Hot springs!

Today marks the day of Diwali. While the Hindus are celebrating this festival of lights, we took the opportunity to have a day out.

40 of us from church went to Sungkai today. It's a place of hot springs and a mini water park. We were there early and started off with singspirations and some games. Then we had fun in the water park and the hot springs.

Some of the springs were so hot that I could barely put my feet in for more than 5 seconds. However, at the same time, I see some older people dipping their legs in the springs for minutes without breaking a sweat.

It's a day filled with fun and laughter. I loved the fellowship.

And it's a tiring day.

A Day of Mental and Physical Torment (However you like to name it)

I don't feel like blogging today. Had a tiresome day bring some juniors to visit KL and led some friends from another EC group to Angkasapuri for their interview session with a staff. I was back in my hometown, but I didn't bother to go back home.

I'm mentally tired. And it manifested through my physical body.

Ghost university

We've heard of ghost town. But what on earth is a ghost university？ Yea, you could sort of guess it.

Today’s the eve of our long Diwali break. In the morning Chemistry class, about 20% of the students were missing. Later in the late afternoon, about the same percentage of students we're missing as well. In general, the campus had turned into a quieter place.

I, as well as many others who are still around, strongly believe that these missing faces had all went back to their hometown. Now, the question is, are they celebrating Diwali? I still saw some Indians (presumably Hindus) in the campus. They were not rushing home. But why the non-Hindus?

This reminds me of my working days in Sunway Pyramid. It was Aidilfitri. The Chinese bosses were taking a week-long leave, while the Malay staffs had to celebrate the first day of Syawal in their department. Wasn't that ironic? I knew about this because I was working during that time for extra money.

C'est la vie, non?

Cheh!

After church, I had a little time. Since the room had been having lots of uninvited visitors that occasionally found dead on the bed, I'd decided to clean the room.

I stared off by laying the mattresses outside the room. I started sweeping and mopping the floor after that. One of my room mates came back. While I stopped mopping for a while and replying the Facebook messages, he took the mop and started mopping vigourously. It looked to me like I'm not doing a good job and he's smarter in doing it, so he is in control. And I suck. I'm stupid. He's right and I'm wrong. Fine. FINE.

You could say that I was thinking a little too much. But hello... I was just trying to contribute to the cleanliness of the room.

Hot and Cold

The weather is still crazy.

In the morning, the Sun was blazing. Coincidentally, my friends who takes Taekwondo had to have their session in the field. Worse still, their two-hour session was lengthen into three. This was to replace the holiday credit hours. Poor things. All of them came back with red, tanned faces.

On the other hand, it was the opposite for Fire Brigade. We were supposed to have an hour of lecture in the room, and another hour of drill. Somehow, the lecture was too long that the drill was cancelled, just like last week. Was it good? No. Not at all. I was hoping to go out for some drills when some Sun rays hit the surrounding outside our windows. It's too COLD in the room.

Had some stupid argument with my friend. It's really stupid and insignificant. Shouldn't have happened. I suck. I wish not to explain what happened prior to this. I'll just apologize tomorrow. It's my fault anyway.

Karoshi

Karoshi basically means overwork to death in Japanese.

For the past two weeks, most of the nights I didn't have a good sleep. Not enough.

Today, I had only 2 hours of class in the morning. Sounds light and easy? Not at all. I woke up at 5 a.m. to complete my lab report. Some reports were tormenting me because of the weird questions. Because of that, I cannot focus in class. The first hour was a quiz on some chemical geometry. In the second hour, the lecturer taught us something new.

My mind was like switched off. Can't learn anything. All I thought about was my unfinished report and I wanted to sleep. The lack of sleep totally ruined my day.

Later in the evening, my friends invited me to Secret Recipe. I thought, not again... I was there yesterday and burned a hole in my wallet. And I wanted to sleep. Well, it was to celebrate a junior's birthday, which was yesterday. I don't understand. Didn't he just celebrated with his friends yesterday? So why we seniors had to celebrate with him again on another day?

So between him and my nap? I chose the latter. Didn't want to be a zombie later.

Sometimes I feel great to say 'NO'. At least I can tell myself that I don't have to depend on friends to lift up my mood. Friends can forsake us. Better treat yourself properly. It's fine to put yourself first sometimes.

Am I that bad?

Today is D-day. Everyone has to present their selected journals on teaching and learning English. Just before class started, everyone was busy memorizing their points and practicing repeatedly, hoping to earn as many marks as possible.

When my group presented, I was told to present first. With much confidence, I spoke. However, I started noticing people are laughing. Even the lecturer was giggling. I didn't know why. Suddenly, she cut my speech. I pleaded to finished it but she rejected without mercy. I DIDN'T LIKE THAT. Anyway, I didn't care. I made sure I read the quote. But somehow, it became meaningless.

Later, while the lecturer gave us some feedback, she said I was good, but something's missing. The FLAIR. She also said I could have gotten the audiences' attention by using intonations. Well, if only my speech were not cut abruptly, and if only the class chose to listen attentively, I believe I would have done that. I would.

Or perhaps she's right. I always thought that I spoke with intonation, but what people hear, was different. All they could hear was a speech with flat tone. AM I THAT BAD? Then I recalled my roommate who was just 'crowned' as the best speaker in the Monday class. I was like... how the h*ll did he do it? He has bad grammar. I know that very well. But then, I think it boiled down to the intonation factor. It's not a foreign thing to him. He's a music student.

Just now we had dinner together at Secret Recipe. Before that, downpours and drizzles came alternatively. He's trapped in his faculty without an umbrella. Poor thing. Since I asked him out for dinner, I went to his faculty to meet him and to pass him an umbrella. I didn't cycle because the rain was just too heavy and I can't carry umbrellas with one hand and steer my bicycle with only another hand. And so we went to that infamous cafe-by foot.

Anyway, I wished we could talk more. He's rushing back for a class, so he quickly finished his meal and left. Me and myself, alone in the cafe. But it's okay. At least we spent some time together. Better than having a meal alone.

On Gifts

When someone gives a friend a gift, who should feel happier? The former or the latter? Some say the giver. Some say the recipient.

Perhaps you had encountered this before. You painstakingly chose a gift for a friend, searching high and low for the suitable one. Then you pass it to the friend and that friend briefly said a 'thank you'. Fine. After that, you, by accident, saw the gift you gave to that friend, still nicely wrapped and chucked at a corner. Obviously he has no intentions to use it. And guess what's next? Bingo! That gift is given to the friend of his.

How would you feel? I wouldn't be too happy as my gift wasn't appreciated. Or in other words, my gift sucks. It's useless. And the thought didn't count.

Why do we have such insensitive people around? Are they born to hurt people's feeling? Still, who am I to judge them? But I'm entitled to have my own feelings and thoughts. It's not a crime to have such thoughts, is it? And I wonder what would he say and how would I react upon hearing the answer. I think I shall keep my anger.

Life is bleak. C'est la vie!

Wrong info?

A friend posted a picture on Facebook. It was the comparison of two chickens. One was white, meaty and looked nice while the other one was scrawny, brownish and just pure ugly. The caption talked about the beauty of having a hijab. It seems that the white feathers of the former represents hijab and the latter, nakedness revealed.

Now, the question comes. Why did the creator of the picture compared girls to chicken? Wasn't that a form of insult? How would girls who saw that picture think? For me, it's just so sexist. Discriminating girls!

I posted that picture in another group and asked for the opinion of some Muslim girls. They said the picture was meant to illustrate the beauty of wearing hijab, not really about comparing girls with the poultry.

Later, the friend who posted the picture and replied my comment by telling me not to be too specific because that picture was meant for guys as well. Well, Muslim guys have to cover their aurat too. I understand that. But hello? Hijab? For guys? That's ridiculous!

Anyway, I would give them the benefit of doubt for not being able to see the fine print which read "With Hijab" and "Without Hijab".

Idle Sunday

I wouldn't say it's a productive Sunday today.

At 2 p.m., I was supposed to meet my EC group to complete the assignment given to us. It's on the presentation of journals that we've selected.

After church service, my friends text me and said they were preparing for a test tomorrow. Therefore, we will have to postpone the assignment to a later date. And so, I took a very long nap. Now, how productive am I?

Just now, my roommate and I were watching Lost series together. He's an avid fan of TV series. It was thrilling. Not because they were stranded, but the skeletons were revealed one by one from their closet. If I were to rate the show, at this point, I'll give 8 out of 10.

I enjoyed our time together watching it. Besides being entertained (by the bloody scenes), I also explained some terms or slang the Americans used. I guess I was exposed to more of the American environment than him via movies. So it's not purely leisure, but we've learnt to improve our command in English as well.

A Saturday noon ruined

A wonderful weekend, ruined by extra lecture.

You know, today my course mates and I had to attend a 3 hour chemistry class of pure presentation by ourselves. Each group were given only 10 minutes to present the topic of their choice.

Some groups were good, but many didn't have a good command in English, not even the Master of Ceremony appointed. I wonder how were they graded since the lecturer already told us that the best mark will be awarded if a group speaks good English while presenting. My group tried our best to speak well. I think we did quite well.

Anyway, a group of girls spoke sooooooooooooooooooo long that we had to stay longer. If it wasn't for them, we would have left the lecture hall on time and proceed with our activities.

Oh! Did I mention that we are doing the same thing on the next Saturday? C'est la vie.

To The Library Again

I had no class today. Inorganic Chemistry was cancelled. But I wasn't very free actually. I had appointments and went to the library with my group.

It's the continuation of hunting for journals on English Language Teaching related topics. We took about an hour plus to find what we wanted.

Then, we proceeded to the printing room to make a copy of the journals. My friends didn't know what to do with the machine. Thank God I worked as an admin clerk before at Sunway Pyramid. Photocopier functions are at my fingertips. And so I helped all of them to photostat a copy of their selected journals.

My good friend named Sinus is back. Have to sleep now so that it won't get the better of me tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a long, tiring day.

With a straw, I SUCKED

Today is definitely neither a happy nor a productive day in campus. My schedule was rather packed with Inorganic Chemistry tutorial, EC and Students' Learning and Development. At night, which was just now, I together with a TESL student met 3 TESL juniors in KHAR for debate training. Why was it unfruitful?

Let me start with EC. It was in DKM. Unfortunately, the air-conditioner didn't like us and failed to operate. The room was not that warm, just a little warmer than usual, but it's definitely cooler than outside. It's very sunny today, fyi. The lecturer came. After a little while, she said she will dismiss the class soon. She gave us some briefing on our assignment and off we went to the library to hunt for journals. I didn't really like this because we were not even in class for an hour. Public speaking was off. No teaching was done. I don't like to sound like a miser, but I paid my fees. Shouldn't I deserve more than this? Air-condition breakdown should never be an excuse for any educators to shorten the lecture time. I felt I'm being shortchanged.

During Students' Learning and Development, I couldn't focus. I was just to drained out of the moving about and the errands. And the weather is really draining every drop of energy from me. I nearly dozed off a few times until a classmate offered me a mint breath fresher. And I was not the only one dozing off.

The debate training session was horrible for me. Only three juniors turned up, and I guess my trip to KHAR was of little use. Instead of sharing my experience with them, I ended up surfing the internet. I just wanted to do it. I was frustrated for such a bad day. Unanswered SMSes. Dinner invitations without reply. Nah... life sucks!

Wrong investments

I kind of believe that I often make wrong investments, or rather, wrong predictions, choices, decisions, whatever you may want to name it.

Sometimes, I bring my notebook computer to campus. It's heavy, but it will become handy if I need to use it. But then, many times I ended up not using it and I had to carry it everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE! You can't possibly leave that at any corner. That's inviting disaster. Sometimes I thought I may not want to use it, but somehow I will need it. That became so inconvenient.

I face this dilemma when I do my laundry too. Like I've mentioned in the previous posts, the weather seemed to turn against me. It has been no rain for the past 2-3 days. I had a tight schedule so I didn't wash my clothes earlier. I just only did my laundry and hung them a moment ago. I just hope that tomorrow will be a day of clear blue sky.

Still wondering how lucky could my friend be, for washing clothes on days the weather seemed to favour him. He just collected his dry ... DRY.. clothes. Didn't rain today. I hate that! That lucky a**!

Just why am I not as lucky as him? Or, why are my investments always turn out to be a bad one, no matter where I place my stakes?

Zzzzz....

I took a lot of naps today.

First, I had Chemistry lab session this morning. After that, I took brunch and decided to cycle back home to do my assignments. However, the internet connection was down. What a joke! I slept.

Later, it was Biology class. After the class ended, I cycled back home again after having an early dinner with a friend because the gap between Biology and Tamil class was four hours. I slept, again.

Was I too lazy? I just felt like escaping from reality and sleep as much as I like. Much could be done if I were to sacrifice some of the time I used to nap. But still, I chose to sleep. Shall I go to bed now?

Mind-blowing day

You probably can't imagine a lecturer who doesn't even teach you, gives you a lunch treat, can you? Well, this mind-blowing incident happened to me today.

I'm the class monitor for my Students' Learning and Development group. Prior to this, I had to help my class to settle the book money with Dr Suppiah, the course coordinator. Thank God, I managed to complete the transaction about a week or two ago, and he said one of these days we should go out for lunch together. I thought he was kidding!

Today, I went for his class just to put myself into my friends' shoes. They had been complaining that he didn't do a good job and only talked nonsense.

To my surprise, he welcomed me like a special guest in his class. I really felt honoured among my friends. He even said the class will end earlier so that he could eat with me. At the end of the lecture, he really brought me to Restoran Abuya for lunch. And lunch was on him.

To some people, it might sound strange. Not that I did him a favour. I just had some conversations with him whenever I met him regarding the text books. But this incident makes me rethink the purpose of education. It is not to impart knowledge only, but to have a relationship with the students, because we are not just teachers. We are EDUCATORS.

To Shah Alam

Very early in the morning, I woke up and got myself prepared and cycled to KHAR. Dr Napisah, three TESLians and I were expecting the university van to ferry us to UiTM Shah Alam campus for a British Parliamentary style debate adjudication workshop. It's organised by the Malaysian Institute for Debate and Public Speaking (MIDP).

As usual, UPSI students are the earliest in any occasions like this. So we went for breakfast and it was on Dr Napisah. Felt touched by her hospitality and commitment for us debaters.

Actually today was really a long day. Little did we expect that we will be tested. Until yesterday, all we thought was that it's nothing more than a workshop, a seminar. The first part was on the general rules on adjudication, BP style. It was objective, but we could write some comments after the answer we chose.

Second part was to hear a full length debate on video and give our oral adjudication one by one. Not as easy as I thought. And I wonder why it took so long. We were supposed to leave at 5.30pm. But the organizers came in to the meeting hall again at almost 5.30pm and announced the next slot. Many participants were unhappy and wanted to leave. It wasn't our fault that the programme started late. It was clearly the organizers fault!

After leaving our emails, which they promised to email us the link to the debate that has to be adjudicated, we left for Tanjung Malim. Thank God that we arrived before dark.

Bad day

Daniel Powter sang Bad Day. It's one of my favourite songs until it really happened to me today.

I had to do my laundry as the bucket is almost full. After class, I saw that the sky is cloudy. I predicted that it will rain very soon. But just a moment later, the weather turned sunny. Immediately, I loaded my clothes into the washing machine.

Funny how things will turn against you, huh? There's this timer knob where you'll just turn and the machine will run automatically, while telling you which stage the washing is currently. The whole run is expected to be 20-30 minutes.

Unfortunately, this machine decided to play a prank on me. The process stopped without draining the water out. Probably it will take some time. So I continued my daily chores, hoping that by the time I come back home again, everything will be done. Too bad, it isn't. So I literally spent the whole day just to wash one batch of clothes. Worse still, it rained. So there's no chance I'm going to have dry, fluffy clothes tomorrow.

And I wonder why my friend is always so lucky to wash his clothes and dry them on sunny days while the weather is always against me. Whether or not it's sunny, whenever I dry my clothes, it will surely rain. C'est la vie!

What happens when you stand behind a car?

You'll be exhausted. Yea, this is just another lame joke I had been sharing with people. Today is really exhausting.

First, I had Inorganic Chemistry lab session at 8 am. It was a rather easy experiment where we dissolve a crystal compound to remove the impurities. I was the youngest in the class as others were from the 2008 intake. Still trying to mingle with the 'abang-abang' and 'kakak-kakak'.

Then I had EC 2 class. Little or no writing we done. We just practiced speaking in English. It's not an encouraging scene to behold as some of my friends are not speaking well. In fact, the comments given to them were that they did not speak English at all.

After lunch, it was Students' Learning and Development. I yawned for once and accidentally knocked my book down from the desk. The thump was so loud and my classmates were laughing at me. It was so so so embarrassing!

Debate training came after. We, the seniors, had to train the juniors. After not debating for more than four months, I found myself not doing well at it. Time to improve. Also, not to forget that we celebrated a senior's birthday at KFC after the training.

Result? I'm EXHAUSTED. And now I have to complete another assignment. C'est la vie!

All about the languages

Today, my Organic Chemistry class has been cancelled. It's almost like a jackpot! 2 hours of lecture and 3 hours of lab was cancelled! That gave me the passport to do some printing at a shop and to collect my newly bought printer.

The only lectures I had today are Japanese Language and Tamil Language. I had a great time during Japanese. The lecturer, Nooru sensei made us sing a childish song for 5 times! It was undoubtedly funny and.... silly, but her intentions were good. She said this method is one of the best ways to learn a language. A mundane way will not produce good results.

After dinner, it's time for Tamil. This time, Madam Manon taught us the human body parts in Tamil. It was a little difficult. Nevertheless, I had fun learning them.

Seems like learning a new language is a brilliant way for me to de-stress. People choose sports, games, hobbies or shopping for that purpose. But for me, to be able to say bonjour, konnichiwa and vanakkam just make me feel good. Why do I even major in science? Should have taken some language related course, shouldn't I?

Study blues

Can you imagine doing an experiment following the procedures religiously, but there's no result at all? It's frustrating, isn't it? This happened today!

It was a chemistry experiment this morning. There were three sub experiments to do. Initially, they looked easy, I thought. But as the saying goes, easier said than done. As my partner and I carried out the experiments, we found out that the concoctions we prepared did not show any visible results for more than 15 minutes.

At the end of the class, we consulted the lecturer, who in turn discussed this matter with the lab assistant to change the amount of the chemicals in future. Well, looks like we were treated like lab mice, aren't we? Using the trial-and-error method, we were suppose to test whether the experiment works? Fantastic! C'est la vie!

Biology lecture was much later. We had a quiz today on cell division. The first part was rather easy, asking for the significance of the types of division rather than the process. However, the second part was crazy. We were told to draw the cell cycle, which is still not too hard, but we were also told to explain how the two proteins listed play their roles in cell division. All I could ask was, "What the hell are they?". That part remained blank. Never have I came across those names.

Got to study harder...

Mood was... not as high as the past few days. Skepticism and loneliness kind of got the better of me today. The more I try to mix in a conversation, the more I felt stupid. Fine. Will keep my mouth shut.

Eat, Shop, Learn

Today, I woke up early for the 8am Chemistry class. I had not had my breakfast and I thought I could eat something at 10, after the class ends. I was wrong.

When the class was going on, my stomach growled a little and I cannot pay my full attention to the lesson. Worse still, the lecturer herself did not speak audibly and we were not clear with what she was trying to deliver. Should I ask, or shouldn't I, I thought. But I'd decided not to, since I won't understand her explanation anyway. And that will worsen my hunger pangs.

Later in the afternoon, I had my first Biology lab session. We were required to prepare some onion root cell slides and to observe some other slides on cell division. I didn't have a good time as the onion cells were not healthy. They didn't seem to want to undergo division. Our lecturer said forget about seeing the things we expected to see. Then the other slides which were readily prepared did not give me a good moment either. They were so hard to observe, and lecturer said she expected us to draw the chromosomes (a.k.a genes) in a certain way. Unfortunately, what I saw under the microscopic lenses are just not the same as what she drew on the whiteboard. No way I'm going to forge the observations!

Ordered a printer today. Felt happy. I love transactions. No. I think I love shopping.
I wonder which female gene for shopping dominated that male part of me. Haha.

To Port Klang

Today is the third meeting of the Fire Brigade. I supposed the instructors didn't prepare the lesson, that is why they made us drill for the entire two hours. Haiz... C'est la vie!

Fortunately, the drill session was not at all fruitless. Besides sharpening our skills, we learnt new moves as well, like marching and 45 degrees turn. When we had a 5 minute break, I took the opportunity to consult one of the instructor on giving commands to a squad as I don't have a loud voice. It's either too soft or something like shrieking that hurts my throat. He told me that one of the ways to practice my voice is to practise the commands with my head facing a basin. I don't know how it works, but I guess it is a good method.

After the drill, my friends and I went to Port Klang together to visit Logos Hope which had stopped at Pulau Indah since two days ago and will be open for visitation for the next three weeks. We hired two cars for 13 of us.

When we were about to go on board, we saw the Starcruise Virgo stopped not far away from Logos. Logos seemed much, much more smaller compared to the luxurious ship, but with her aim to bring hope and knowledge to the world, people flocked to her rather than Virgo.

The book exhibit was obviously packed. We could barely inch ourselves forward. It's a good sign, I thought. The books were priced in units rather than currency. 100 units is equivalent to RM 8. There were lots of good deals around and I bought four books which totaled up to RM 60. My friends, too, bought lots of titles.

Before we departed from the ship, we had some refreshments at the International Cafe. We get to interact with some international staffs. They are really great people. Imagine working with 400 staffs from 40 nationalities and diverse backgrounds. And they are doing a great job bringing hope and knowledge and help to the world!

"Cheated"

Last week, the timetable was a mess. Some lecturers demanded to change the time. Some lab sessions clashed with our lectures. Some didn't want this, some didn't want that... And on last Friday, a coursemate and I did not notice that our Inorganic Chemistry lecture had been shifted to early in the morning, so we inadvertently played truant.

On the following Monday, we went to meet the lecturer together to explained what had happened. Perhaps she was busy. She was so snobbish! And how I hated the way she talked! So I thought, well, c'est la vie and good luck to my entire semester meeting her.

This morning I went for her lecture. Hey, she was just like a big sister! She knew what is difficult for us and she more attention on those areas. In short, she taught with her heart and it really touched me. She made my day! And I felt like I've been cheated by my first impression on her.

Going to Logos Hope tomorrow!

Pride & Prejudice

I am proud. Very proud. I know I'm rather smart and I love to be in the limelight. I don't like show-offs. They are stupid, I thought. For this very reason, this personality of mine made me lose the chances to learn new things.

I knew that I was not good at tennis. But after the last lecture of the day, I invited my classmate to just play a little tennis. Not exactly to have a game. Both of us took tennis as our co-curricular activity and we were are still are novice. As we were playing, a young man came and started telling us how to play tennis. I supposed he's from the Sports and Coaching Faculty.

Hello dude! I know you are smart. You Sport Science kids are excellent in sports. But please... Can't you just get lost and play somewhere else? I don't need nobody to make me look like a fool!

But then, he wasn't arrogant or snobbish. I guess it was just me. My ego. My pride.

I love it!

Wednesdays are awesome. My first 5 hours in campus is to have organic chemistry lecture and experiment. Usually, I won't have the time for breakfast unless the library cafe is open before 8 a.m.

Next up will be Japanese language class. Learning languages have been my passion since long ago. So far, the foreign languages I learnt are French, Japanese and Tamil. I love the feeling to be admired and adored by g̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ people around when I'm multilingual. It feels like being at the top of the world.

Yea... awesome Wednesday. I guess I was just lying. Today's mudane and boring.

If only I have the stamina of ten men

If only I have the stamina of ten men,
I can pay full attention during lectures

despite of my lack of rest.

If only I have the stamina of ten men,

I would be having lots of fun

under the sun

Jogging, Running, Cyling...

Unlike now

Sitting in front of my laptop,
Worn-out...like an old man.

If only I have the stamina of ten men,

I can excel in every thing I do,

I won't be left behind

just because I was tired

and did not engage with the lessons.

If only I have the stamina of ten men,

I wouldn't have to take a short nap

during Biology

or else, I'll just dozed off if there wasn't a break.

If only I have the stamina of ten men,

I wouldn't look like a zombie

everywhere I go to

people asked why I looked exhausted.

If only I have the stamina of ten men,

I would be composing this blog post with full of vigour

and excitement.

In reality, I wished to skip today's post.

If only I have the stamina of ten men...

I could handle countless tasks.

What a joke

The weather has been unpredictable recently. This moment, it could be hot like a furnace. Before you know it, the sky will show signs that it is going to rain anytime.

This happened today. I had class from 8 to 10 am. After meeting with lecturers and dealing with some matters, I headed home to do my laundry, since it had been a hot morning. It was so hot that I felt like energy being drained out from my body.

When I reached home, a friend was using the bathroom. My detergent was in the bathroom, so I waited for him to come out. All I heard was him singing loudly. When my turn came, I quickly grabbed the detergent and did my laundry using the washing machine. Then, I took a nap because I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired. Dead tired. I needed a 'power nap' so much. Still, that same friend who 'delayed' my laundry time, came back with a packet of lunch. It wasn't a problem until the rustling of the plastic bags started.

Every single whisper is audible when I'm in the sleeping mode. I'll be very sensitive to sounds. That friend of mind didn't know, so every single sound made by the plastic bags, every time the spoon brushed against the polystyrene box, every time he slurped a mouthful of his lunch, those 'whispers' woke me up. Obviously I wasn't happy because I don't get enough rest as I wanted, so I slept longer.

By the time I woke up, which was about 10 minutes later, the sky started to turn dark. I had no choice but to hang my clothes under the cloudy weather. In no time, rain poured heavily. There's no way my clothes are going to dry. Wearing half-dried clothes feels yucky and clammy.

Whom shall I blame? I don't know. I wish I could put the blame on someone. When my friends hang their clothes, the weather seems to be on their side, but seldom mine. Frustrated to the max!

What a huge joke today. Well... C'est la vie!

Did I just ate lotus?

It's Sunday and for Christians like me, it's church day. My room mates and I attend different churches in Tanjung Malim. They had to leave earlier. After they had left, I had some time to laze on bed.

I didn't feel like going to church actually. I don't know why, I felt very troubled at heart. Anyway,I dragged myself there. Even during service, I texted another former classmate to talk to him about my problems. Should not have done that. And I felt miserable throughout the service.

The whole evening was kind of wasted too. Initially I planned to visit the library to do some reference. I chose to nap instead. And how I wished I do not have to wake up.

Am I tired? Physically? Emotionally and mentally? I just don't know. Perhaps I'm being haunted by my past. The foolish things that I'd done and the consequences that are still felt today. Too tired to even think of them.

Today's happening reminds me of the short story I learnt back in Fourth Form -- The Lotus Eater. A lotus eater means to live an idle life. Am I living today like that?